Hello George

Below is the opening chapter of Hello George, the story of a songwriter, a music publisher and a country music legend — and falling in love with a song demo. To hear the songs mentioned in the novella, and to read it all (ebook or chapbook), click here.

Hello George

 For Daisy Jill Steinberg

1

 

In 1996, George Krott, the country music legend, got pulled out of rehab and a few months later found himself with a number one country hit, “There’s a Crop Circle on My Daddy’s Land.” It was written by a young songwriter from New Jersey named Daisy Steinberg, and nobody thought a young songwriter from New Jersey named Daisy Steinberg had any business writing any country song at all, let alone a hit country song, let alone a hit country song for the mercurial star from Boaz, Alabama. But I thought it was a match made in Grand-Ole-Opry Heaven, that song and that singer, and even though I was not much more than a stamp-licker – yes there were still rolls of glue-back stamps in the late part of the last century – at one of the world’s leading music publishers, I believed in that song and its destiny and I helped make it all happen.

Not that I got much credit. I played the song for my boss, making jokes about the puns that would follow (and did follow – “There’s a Krott Circle Around Number One on the Country Music Chart” and other such awfulness) and I kept playing the song for my boss until he played it for his boss who called her counterpart in Nashville. She called the man who ran the rehab where they’d been trying off and on for a decade to dry George out and they agreed that they wouldn’t take the man out of the frying pan and put him in the fire, but they would take him out of the fire and put him in an incinerator. And that’s what they did. They got George back in the studio, back on the radio, back on the charts and back on the road, where for six months he was on the run from not one, not two, but three personal assistants in the employ of the record label whose job it was to get him through the tour sober. They did the best they could.

I got my chance to meet him when the tour went through New York – this was long before country tours ever went through Yankee territory, but George had been a legend so long he’d had the chance to go way out of favor with the country mainstream and become an icon for what we’d now call the alt-country hipster set. My career had advanced some, I was now assistant to the boss who complained that “we” had been robbed of the credit “we” deserved for “discovering” that song and realizing what a fit it could be for the impossible, pill-popping, whiskey barrel from Boaz. His boss got all the credit and “we” shared in resentment sufficient to keep him grousing about it to me the entire time I worked for him, though insufficient for him to do anything about it, like mention my name to anyone.

So I told George myself. I was one of the six lucky publishing company payrollees to get a backstage pass and the only one to speak up when we were introduced to the legend just after his sound check, during which George squinted into the lights they were also checking, and said, as the sound people rushed around and their giant speakers produced some earsplitting squeals, “Well, I’m glad y’all get feedback here in the Big Apple, too.” I don’t think I’d ever heard a voice so big, deep and crusty in my life. He was a big man, well over six feet, though not all bloated like he got later when they kept him on whatever drugs they gave him to keep him from his crazy self.

Somewhere in our little paycheck-loving hearts, everyone in the music business wants to be making music, not selling it. Playing, singing, writing, recording, producing, some or all of the above, though most of us are too shy, self-conscious or talentless to do much about it. I am talentless and often self-conscious, but when it comes to stepping up and vocalizing about music I like, particularly with musicians I like, I’m not shy at all.

After soundcheck, to the shock of everyone around me backstage, I walked right up to him, stuck out my right hand and introduced myself – to the man who, legend had it, once knocked four teeth out of the mouth of a dressing room bouncer when George sneezed, the bouncer said, “God bless you” and George misheard him. He shook my hand, not the bone-crushing grip I was expecting – maybe he was afraid I had some lawyer on me and was holding back – but he met my gaze as I told him I was the one who discovered Daisy Steinberg and brought Crop Circle to his team, though I was sure he’d never heard my name. To prove I wasn’t just there to promote myself, I immediately started name-dropping my favorite cuts from his first album, going on at particular length about his moonshine-glorious remake of Tex Ritter’s Jack O’ Diamonds, and I finished up with an apology for the schmoozing, a term I knew he knew because he’d used it in his Rolling Stone interview.

“Here’s too schmoozin’ and boozin’.” He tapped his eight-ounce soft plastic water bottle against mine. “So where’s this Daisy gal at?”

“Well, she’s not here right now, and, uh, to be honest, I don’t know where she is.”

“She wrote you a hit song and you don’t know where she is.”

“I’ve been looking.”

At that moment two of his personal assistants rushed over to whisk him away to some TV appearance and as he walked off, he said, “Well find her, dammit. You’ll get credit this time if I have anything to say about it. And I’ll have something to say about it.” He laughed, terrifying sound about an octave south of a cackle.

In fact, I had been looking. Hard. And it wasn’t on behalf of George or some other recording artist in search of a song that would light up their royalty statements for years to come. Or not only that. I’d fallen in love with her cassette. The songs, the handwriting on the label (quick cursive in slightly smudged blue ink), the sub-professional engineering (between the first two songs, there was the faint sound of a chair leg scraping, not loud enough to seem intentional), and of course the voice. Sweet, simple, with the faintest Jersey accent and no affectation of any kind: no rock and roll slurring, no bluesy belting, no country twanging, no breathy confession. She just sang the words, the melody and the heart. Like they say about country songs: three chords and the truth, though with Daisy’s songs sometimes there were just two.

The first song was Crop Circle, a rough and irresistible home recording with drum machine and rudimentary electric guitars and banjo – banjo played by someone who clearly didn’t know how to play banjo but plucked a devilishly catchy three-note riff. The whole thing shimmered with cheap, guileless magic, and it was all her: “Written, played and produced by Daisy Steinberg” in messy blue ink. The song was about a guy and girl chasing each other around a corn field on a delirious moonlit night and the next day they need an excuse for the girl’s daddy: it wasn’t them trampling the corn, it was aliens making crop circles. Easy to dismiss as a joke, and a low-fi one at that, so on my first listen, charmed as I was, I stopped the cassette maybe a minute in and went on to the next tape in my demo pile. But the chorus hook – and that banjo lick – kept coming back to me, so I dug it out and played it again. Amused, intrigued, but still not sold, I listened to the rest.

The second song was more of what I expected – acoustic guitar and voice, straight up singer-songwriter fare. With one notable difference – the guitar was in some strange tuning I didn’t recognize. It was also heart-stoppingly beautiful. Impressions of Chrysanthemums. After a hundred listens I still have no idea what it’s about – something bad happened and love may or may not be the answer. Quiet, moody, with its own odd edge, this was not a chart topper in any genre – what we used to call an album cut, one of the songs that won’t sell an album but once you buy that album, you play it over and over again and love it more than the single – and you become increasingly convinced that anyone who loves the single and doesn’t get this song is a shallow fool.

The next song took a completely unexpected turn. Cut It Loose, a funky groove like something out of the 70s, complete with cool keyboards and perfect little twangy guitar lines that had me picturing slim, graceful fingers not twirling notes but twirling hair, dark brown hair. I was sure it was dark brown hair, maybe curly, surrounding a sweet round face. Eventually, I found out I was wrong, though not entirely wrong.

And the last cut was the most inexplicable of all. Unattainable. A 20-second piece of spoken word art over what sounded like some avant garde piano and street traffic in the background.

 

Reaching for the unattainable

Falling for the unexplainable

Facing the unnamable

 

What on earth could she have been thinking, putting those four tracks on a publishing company demo? And yet it was this cassette, not the stacks and stacks of slick, shiny audio gloss, that birthed a number one country song. Which, by the way, crossed over to 88 on the pop charts. Although none of that had happened when I first started looking for her. As I kept playing the song for my boss, I never really expected anything to come of it. I just couldn’t help myself.

It was not as easy to find someone in the 20th Century, even the very late 20th Century, as it is today. No Google, no social media. Barely an internet. You started with the phone – a device that plugged into a wall – and all I had was the number on her cassette. No answer, not even an answering machine. Two dozen tries, all hours of day and night, nothing. Then it was 411. Daisy Steinbaum, of 9th Street in Park Slope, Brooklyn, said she’d get calls for Steinberg once in a while but had no idea who or where she was.

Next I went to the Village Voice. More likely than not she’d played out at least a little, I figured, and if she performed under her own name, maybe I’d find it in the club ads. When I finally did, my fingers dusty with old ink and fraying newsprint, I made a noise loud enough to cause other patrons of the St. Agnes Branch of the New York Public Library on Amsterdam Avenue to look up in annoyance. I found it six times, all from shows in the early 90s in the East Village: Brownies, the C-Note, CBs Gallery. Of course, a name in an ad didn’t actually help much, and the club bookers never called me back. But I did find something else. In a music feature story on something called the Sisters of Lillith Songwriters Collective, there was a small photo of eight women, seven shoulder to shoulder and one peeking out from the back: that one was Daisy Steinberg. Taken in a club, the photo was not very clear and even less my 35-cent photocopy, but this much I could see: a narrow face, a sweet, shy smile, and thick, wavy dark hair.

I clipped out the part with her face and taped it to her cassette box: album cover.

The smile that imprinted on my visual cortex was nothing, however, compared to the songs that filled my entire brain. I suppose everyone gets a song stuck in their head – background music to the daily routine, company in the dull moments. When I fall in love with a song, it’s – it’s not easy to describe. I lean toward upper case, ridiculous fonts and terms like TRUTH and BEAUTY and TRANSCENDENCE. I suppose what I don’t want to admit is that when I walk out of work late into a cool, purple dusk and a silly banjo lick begins playing in the sound system in my head, only then do I notice the air and light, only then do I feel it. Waking up blue on a Sunday, the quirky bridge of Cut It Loose is the weight in my heart.  

And sometimes it’s good for business. I was sitting in the lunchroom reading about George Krott in some trade magazine with Crop Circle circling in my head when the light went on. The first question was obvious: Could the lyrics be sung by a man? I closed my eyes and quickly sang them to myself. They could, with hardly a pronoun change. Clearly the writer had thought of that. No dummy, this innocent.

But where was she?

As soon as George said yes to the song, they had to find her. When all else failed we turned to our top lawyer, hulking Sandy Bimler, whose legendary coke consumption was a match for his giant head and greying 70s mane. Sandy had no idea who I was but he took at least a cursory interest in anyone under 30 in the hopes that he might get a party invitation out of it, and he told me what happened. He went to the police and reported a missing person, and while they didn’t put him in touch with Daisy herself, he did hear from a small-time song plugger and publisher who’d gotten her to sign something and was more than pleased to sell his piece of the action. That was all Sandy needed. We’d get the publishing royalties. She’d get the writer royalties.

“You’d think the girl would change her name if she wanted a career in this business,” he said, the wall behind him filled with framed gold records. “Daisy McAllister or something.”

I asked him for the publisher’s number, telling him I was the one who discovered her – at least her song. I immediately felt bad about saying that – like I was the white guy who discovered some waterfall that indigenous populations had visited for eons and were unaware was in need of discovery. Sandy sniffed and shrugged.

I thanked him.

The publisher wouldn’t give me her number.

“Can you get her a message?”

“Sure, though she’s not returning my calls. Slippery, that one. What’s the message?”

“Never mind.”

“That’s the message? Heh heh.”

“Do you happen to know where she is?”

“Not at the moment. Songwriters can be pretty freaky, you know.”

He sniffed, making me think he’d been to plenty of parties with Sandy Bimler.

Stay hidden, girl.

Then I met Krott at the soundcheck in New York and went looking for her all over again. With no other leads, I called the publisher back, ready to beg or bribe.

“She dumped me,” he said. “No, not like that. I only met her in person once. I asked if she could at least try to write another one like Crop Circle. Wrong thing to say, I guess. Strange one. Very quiet. Little wisp of a thing. But in her own way tough.”

And that was that.

Until about a year later. My boss sent me to Nashville for a conference – maybe he felt a little guilty about “sharing” the credit for Crop Circle – and the big dinner featured a performance by none other than the celebrated George Krott celebrating his tenth or fifteenth go at sobriety. I wasn’t feeling great – maybe too many fried shrimp off the hors d'oeuvres trays – and it didn’t exactly settle my stomach when the back-up band launched into Crop Circle, repeating the intro, with the banjo riff doubled by electric guitar and fiddle, while the MC took the stage. “And what a Nashville treat we have for you lucky folks…five-time country music artist of the year…with 22 number one country hits, including his latest, which he’ll play for you now…ladies and gentlemen, Ge-oh-orge Krahhhhhhhhtt!” He stretched George into three syllables and the whole name across more than three bars.

And out of the wings rambled the man himself and started singing our song. Could’ve been a big moment for me. I just felt ill.

As the band chugged their way through it, though, and George got most of the words, I had a realization that made me sit up in my chair: there’d been a moment in the not-too-distance past, probably in his manager’s office, or maybe in the pickup truck I presumed he owned, likely a gift from one of his sponsors, when he heard the clumsy banjo picking, simple bass plunking and straight-from-the-heart singing of Daisy Steinberg, and no, he would not hear it through my ears, and yes, we all hear things in our own ways, but sound waves are sound waves and whatever it may have meant to him now to stand under the lights singing it, there’d been a moment when he’d heard what I heard. My stomach settled a bit and I decided I’d have another beer.

George was mingling after singing the one song – I could picture the contract language: perform one (1) song and mingle minimum thirty (30) minutes. The guy next to me, my counterpart from LA, said, “Hey, let’s go meet him.”

“I’ve met him,” I said, stupidly thinking that might get me out of it.

“Well, come on, introduce me.” He started walking. I followed. No problem, really. He wouldn’t remember me and I wouldn’t remind him.

We hovered maybe a minute beside three women lapping up George’s best flirtation when he turned in our direction, and before I could cough up my quickly rehearsed opening, We’re a couple of fans from your publishing company and… George pointed in my face and said, “Are you the one that knew Daisy?”

Too stunned to say yes, the correct answer, or no, which would have been the actual truth, I stared blankly.

“You find her yet?”

I shook my head no.

“Can’t you people do anything?”

Still speechless, I must have looked as pale as I felt. George laughed, reached down and squeezed my upper arm, and said, “Don’t sweat it, son. But listen to me. I want to talk to her, and I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you my number. This ain’t my manager, this is me, and you tell her that. And don’t go giving this out, or I’ll have to change it again.”

George handed me a card with a handwritten number on it, faintly smudged, like another inky number I knew well. Then he checked his watch, spun on the toe of his boot, and headed for the stage door. Thirty minutes must’ve been up.

The guy from LA was going on and on. Krott remembered me? And just gave me his number? I was speechless again. It appeared there were two of us obsessed with Daisy Steinberg.

To read the rest, click here.

OMG, Part 2

“…this is how we are made: to be inextricably bound; to come from; to belong to, and with, and for; to have heart and soul and all those oceanic metaphors always tied to another, to others; so when we are left alone, we are not alone, and when we are not alone, we are left alone; so when we reach, sometimes we touch.”  

—published below (December 2)

 

Unfortunately, we are also made to retch.

And follow columns of smoke or stone, following behind so we’re not choked or crushed, given the way things always move. Whether made to burn or stand, they always move, however long it may take.

Though it’s often quite fast, the burning and the crushing.

And there’s this thing about evil – it helps to say it comically, a deep reverb, a voice that knows it’s funny. Evil! Unfortunately often it’s not funny, as far from funny as can be, here in the minds, our minds, where these ideas are dreamed up and given form in the telling and the sharing and convincing. In the joining of raging cause.

Yes, I’m talking about war. Land battles. Circles drawn thick.

Today, a pagan holiday adopted by an Abrahamic religion in a manner that can make the day twinkle, though some may oppose this sentiment, my dear favorite interlocutor and I went for a walk on a snowy road. Soon we noticed droplets of blood along the way, every few feet, red on the white. First suspicion: a nosebleed. Now, thinking about it, that sounds unlikely – wouldn’t you notice and stop it? Later suspicion: an injured animal, forest animal. Or maybe someone’s pomegranate juice leaking? But in droplets like that? And bright on the snow’s surface like that? In between, I have a deep reverb movie vision of a man stomping out of the woods crazy and murderous. Fortunately, none such appears. We couldn’t quite tell where the blood droplets started or stopped. There were gaps. There was never a lot (of blood, juice, or sign of something, whatever it was). My strolling companion said she was ignoring it. Baker Brook is so magical in the ice and snow. At one point I thought, should I do something? Not seriously. What would I do?

Our fingers got cold…we’d brought gloves not mittens. Details to chew on like the nails of the nervous. Terrors to ignore like anything you like.

Thinking about my mom all day. Yesterday I had a vision of her insulting a poem of mine, in words first mean, then arrogant. She could be like that. Today I missed her, the only one who would really care about any detail I would share about the two grandsons we gave her; how she loved me and needed me, more and more, til her end, which she fought so furiously as the cancer finished what her many years started – she needed my ear most of all.

Today I finished a book by a distant relative of my walking companion (bringing the nonfiction account all that much closer). It was (and is) about a ghetto burnt to hell and the people in the end fighting to their end, because there was nothing better to do, and sometimes it’s better to go down swinging, even killing. That’s a bad fact. Because only rarely do you really know who you’re swinging at. And yet you swing, and sometimes even kill, because in that moment you must.

 

 

OMG

We went to the Boonton Coffee Company this week, after stumbling on the thriving art, literature, music and local artisanal scene on Main Street in Boonton a couple of weeks ago. It’s a quirky narrow road cut into a hill in an old New Jersey town where you enter what appears to be the ground floor, but if you go to the back and look out the window you see you’re on the fourth floor…or maybe the fifth. I signed up to read at the open mic and decided to read some prose but almost read the thing below, which seems seasonal enough, given the religious absorption of earlier pagan rites to celebrate the annual cycles on our planet. The room was packed with poets, their friends and the music of words, along with generous applause for everyone.

OMG

 My god is your God.

My god is a god of mercy and illumination.

My god does not speak to me of wrath and vengeance.

My god is nature.

My god is all that is made, including all that is human-made, including god.

My god is all of the human spirit and what we find beautiful around us.

My god is the mystery of creation.

My god’s all-knowing grandeur is a play.

My god is an atheist.

My god knows what you don’t know and what you think you know but don’t.

My god has a terrific and often terrifying sense of humor.

My god torments us all with choice.

My god frees us to make choices.

My god lends us moments of clarity to help make choices.

My god only judges when judgement is needed.

My god is wonder.

My god wonders.

My god is busy.

My god ignores his creation.

My god knows exactly what she’s doing.

My god asks your forgiveness.

My god knows why the last people to trust are the ones that say “trust me” – “follow me” – “they are wrong and I am right”

My god knows the body and mind are one.

My god knows that every god is any god.

My god knows that your god is a god of mercy and illumination.

My god is destiny.

My god is chemistry.

My god is the Big Bang.

My god is awareness.

My god is willingness.

My god is self and selflessness.

My god is freedom from passion and the freedom of passion.

My god is quantum subatomic.

My god is intergalactic.

My god is uncomfortable.

My god knows your god.

My god doesn’t exist except as he-she-it is felt.

My god is existence.

My god is the life of the spirit.

My god is the journey of the soul.

My god is the release from desire.

My god is joy in its every manifestation, including the satisfaction of desire.

My god is a cool, divine sip.

My god is a warm, divine sip.

My god is an understanding that in death, we simply make room for life after us. And in that, and only that, are we eternal.

Poetry?

I went with Deena to a poetry reading in South Orange this afternoon, two towns over, in the Skate House by the duck pond where Deena skated as a girl. There was an open mic and with her encouragement, I signed up to read…and did, one of the few poems I’ve written in my life. One of the open mic readers was a woman who said she’d moved to the area years ago from Woodstock, hoping South Orange would be like Woodstock someday, and being part of the Watershed poetry series made her feel it had come true to some degree. I was glad to be part of it, too.

Feel My Wrath

Achilles is a dog’s name.

Snarling, terrifying, mistreated mutt, frothing at the jowls, pulling on his chain, taught with fury.

Ready to take the whole tree with him, he eyes my throat.

Fear my wrath! I do – I fear my own: the disinhibition, the breaking of my own rules, the shame that follows, the unmasking of my unarticulated nature.

His owner yells – too late. He’s coming, dragging the cherry tree from the corner of the little semi-urban park with its bench and its square of grass and its basketball court. Too late

to run. The last things I see are raging fangs and golden eyes and then a branch covered in pink blossoms.

The morning of my mom's memorial, November 29, 2025

Here’s something I wrote the morning of the memorial for my mother, Judith Fried (10-15-26—7-25-25). In bold is what I read (along with a brief history of her early life). “All below” refers to 10 pages of logistical notes and lists accumulated in the weeks before. 

All below is the business of this, business of which is mine – ours, but organized by me, by my own choosing. But here now at my dining room table (and there, by hers) I won’t share – that’s not what I’ve set for myself to do – what it was like for me; where I began, where she ended; the metaphor of emotion, metaphors of emotions. Name them! The names we know, names I know. Let’s be distracted by those daily bothers, the hidden pushes, the personality, the history, the Wheel; and then return to the subject at hand: I await the moment when I rend the garment of personality in proper mourning. In the meantime, feel the weight, the loss – when sad is not hidden anger, just sad, because – and here’s what I’ve long thought I’d say at some memorial, and may yet do, though not for my parents, that chance comes and goes in a few hours, as our second such transpires: this is how we are made: to be inextricably bound; to come from; to belong to, and with, and for; to have heart and soul and all those oceanic metaphors always tied to another, to others; so when we are left alone, we are not alone, and when we are not alone, we are left alone; so when we reach, sometimes we touch.  

Repeated Memories

For years, I’ve collaborated with experimental poet Michael Ruby. Below are video excerpts from our most recent flight of strangeness.

Repeated Memories Excerpts

On December 9, 2023 at Green Kill gallery in Kingston, N.Y., Michael read poetry from his book Memories, Dreams and Inner Voices (Station Hill Press) and prose written for this piece. I played electric bass, banjo and electric guitar, improvising to his words, along with pre-recorded fragments of songs that work like repeated memories in my brain. The performance included an immersive video by poet Sam Truitt, using old film and video shot by Deena Shoshkes, Immy Humes and others from the 1970s to 1990s. The text, which was temporarily lost in a damaged building on 9/11, focuses on memories that appear repeatedly for no apparent reason. The full performance is available, too, here.

Transmission

Transmission is a reading/performance with my brother Joshua Fried and his RADIO WONDERLAND that we will present Sunday, August 29, 2021, 8 pm, as part of Station Hill Press’s Intermedia Lab.

It combines the text from Confessions of a Virus (see below) and an unpublished piece of COVID-inspired fiction called, Summa Paranoia, which I wrote at the suggestion of Michael Ruby, long before he and Station Hill Exec Editor Sam Truitt dreamed up their multimedia streaming reading/video/sound performance series, Intermedia Lab. I’ll be reading and chanting over/under/alongside the spontaneously created grooves RADIO WONDERLAND produces live from local FM Radio and a feed of a recording of Confessions of Virus.

It will be strange and danceable. I you are reading this after the fact…I will try to remember to put a link to a video recording of it…right here:

Confessions of a Virus

This four-part strangeness ends on what to me is a positive note, if you can make it that far. It began with this text, then Deena Shoshkes and I added music and then I made videos.

Confessions of a Virus

1.

If there’s anything we’ve learned by watching your leaders – and of course we’re watching, just because we don’t have a consciousness like yours doesn’t mean we’re not watching – it’s that the self is boundless. We’re a collective self, as boundless as any, and for whatever reason, I’m the voice of that self. How I’m not sure, but I think I may know why. To explain. Maybe even apologize.

But first a question: how different is our merging with your cells from your merging of your own after what you call an act of love? We understand that what we do is not the recombination of equal opposites you seem to enjoy. We understand that you see us as parasites and it’s true we can’t survive without you. But neither can you survive without you. How different is that?

I’ll tell you one way we’re different. We don’t have eyes – we have one eye we share. I can’t tell you how it works, but I can tell you what it’s like to be on the lip of a bat, flying in the purple dusk, zig-zagging in the hunt for bugs – it’s a dizzying thrill. Much calmer inside the bat’s warm, wet lung. We would’ve stayed there, in the bats, but we didn’t. Can you blame us? I suppose you will regardless. Blaming is one of the things you do.

We know you’re smart – or you can be. You’ve figured out that for the tiniest particles, the rules of time and space don’t apply. While in the grand scale we’re actually closer to your size than that, we’re small enough to evade some of the rules of time, so I’ve “spoken” to viruses that “lived” – words I guess you’d say I use loosely – hundreds of thousands, even millions of years ago, and I see that we have a problem you have. We can be victims of our own success. Let me give you an example. There was a group of early humans whose brains had somehow mutated to take on the best of the mammalian world – canine love, feline patience, primate fraternity, elephantine order, and a coronavirus found a comfortable home in their lungs with hardly a symptom. Then a deadly mutation occurred and in weeks, this happy group of short, hairy bipeds was gone, and the guilty coronavirus with it. Both forever. You see, we don’t want to overwhelm. It’s not good for us.

2.

Another thing we share: we can’t usually cross the species line. Our world is your world, the human world. The rest of the animal kingdom? It feeds you, sometimes kills you, sometimes keeps you company, sometimes inspires wonder, terror, delight or disgust. The pangolin, with its scales and its sticky tongue can do most of that. We didn’t choose to mutate into a form that could leap from bat to pangolin. We never choose to mutate. But look what happened next: in a meat market in Wuhan, we found ourselves an even more luxurious home: the lungs of the one mammal that has spread to every corner of the planet. How could we resist? Even if we had in us any power of resistance?

Things we don’t share: We’re not given to anger. We don’t succumb to the frustration of our desires. We don’t disintegrate into murderous factions. We don’t smolder with envy, though I will say that in my strange designation as spokesperson – another term you’ll say I use loosely – I do have a sense of your internal states. I have glimpses of your emotions. (I suppose putting things into words will do that). The exchange of breath and touch – necessary for us both to survive – gives you the occasional feeling of ecstasy. I can see how that could inspire envy. And how, if we were given to maliciousness, we might take some kind of twisted pleasure in the way we’ve forced you into isolation. Although we’re also squeezing your family units closer together. I’d think you might like that. You with your jobs and your economy – I’d think you’d prefer a world without them.

Though I’d also imagine that the ecstasy you create together would so attune you to each other that you’d never experience its opposite, the misery you seem to inflict on one another just as easily, or maybe more easily. I also have some sense of the misery each of you seems to be able to inflict on yourselves.

3.

We feel no emotions. But there may be something like the experience of bees in a hive, a collective buzzing. And there may even be, I admit, a collective determination that could be called a mean streak. We do not want to be hated, but we understand how that could be. Like I said, we did not choose this mutation. And yet we will be what we are. Like you.

Like you we’re thin skinned. We hate bleach. If you could give your lungs a quick rinse with bleach, we’d be gone. But so would your lungs.

What we find most fascinating about you – even more than your zig-zagging from ecstasy to misery – is your irrational altruism. Like ants, you will sometimes lay yourselves down in the water, drowning yourselves to make a bridge for others. It’s like your desire for friendship. Unlike any other animals I’m aware of, you’ll risk your lives to hang out. I believe I use that term correctly.

So bleach won’t work. But there’s something that would. I will tell you because I don’t think you’ll be able to use this information, so there’s little risk to us. And yet, through this strange window into you through these words, I admit that I share a hope: a hope that you will somehow manage it, that you will rid yourselves of us, leaving some other coronas to carry on, coronas that will be better or worse, more malignant or more benign, testing the balance of your overcrowded world and your power to organize within it.

The cure is a song. There is a song that would destroy us. The same way a high pitch at just the right frequency can shatter a crystal glass, there is a song, a set of pitches, melodic turns and rhythmic patterns that creates a penetrating effect that would pierce and disintegrate us. Instantly. I’ll sing it for you. Just as I can speak, I can sing.

You can’t hear it, can you?

I’m singing it over and over.

OK, there is no song. That was a wish, a wish I suppose we shared for a moment. Or so I’d like to think. But there is a tone, a certain frequency, that if sent with sufficient intensity and delivered in just the right way would in fact destroy us. I won’t tell you what it is. I can’t do that. I don’t think you could hear it anyway.

Or maybe that’s just another wish.

 

4.

We’re not happy with what we’ve done. Are you happy with what you’ve done?

I’m not happy with my role here. Are you happy with yours?

Here’s another thing you may not be able to hear, something we know about your future, because we can see that too, the same way we can see the next virus that will plague you and the one after that and the one after that, the ones you’ll never feel, the ones you’ll feel a lot: by spreading as we’ve done to just about every corner of your world we’ve turned that world into one place the way it’s never been before, and turned you all into one group in a way you’ve never been before, and as a result you are making a step toward unity that cannot be unmade, leading you in a direction that cannot be changed, regardless of how many zigs and zags you complicated beings with your separate yet combined internal states may take. And I know that this change will happen whether you want it or not, whether you like it or not, and there’s not a thing you can do about it, like there’s not a thing we can do to stop ourselves from slipping into your cells and killing you and leaving the rest of you in doubt, shock, denial, fear, hope, stress, wonder and confusion.  

Yours,

19

Not Quite Science Fiction

Delighted to have a story in this recently published science fiction collection, even if my contribution is barely science fiction, but editor Matt Sinclair, the Chief Elephant Officer (CEO) at Elephant's Bookshelf Press, wanted to include me in something. Thanks, Matt! Proud to have my story described as the "oddest" in the collection.

My story is called “Primary Season: Love Red on Planet Blue.” It’s a story about crossing the boundaries in a two-party system and a multi-species world. Any act of love will change the universe forever, though some of these acts will have more impact than others.

Literature of a Different Kind

  • Very proud to report here the release of the debut album “Sparks Like Little Star” by my band, the Campfire Flies. I play banjo and bass and sing in this band, which features four fabulous songwriters: John Baumgartner, Matt Davis, Ed Seifert and Deena Shoshkes. Also in the band, Toni Baumgartner. Soon enough we’ll have our hand-made songbook for sale on the band website store and you can see for yourself the kind of literature I’m talking about.

Shortlisted, Twice

A short story of mine was shortlisted for the 2018 Bridport Prize in the UK and another shortlisted for the 2018 Tulip Tree Press Stories that Must Be Told contest. In both cases I’m in good and broad company, making me wonder how long a shortlist has to be before it becomes a longlist, but I don’t wonder long. It’s nice to be in good and broad company. Thank you, Bridport Prize and Tulip Tree.

The stories? For the Bridport Prize, it was “We Started and We’ll End in the Treetops” and for the Tulip Tree, “Love Is a Rock,” both stories from my collection Useless Guide to Modern Romance. Someday I hope to publish all of them, together or separately.

Transcendent Guide to Corporate America: Guide to the Guide #10

 

With “Love in the Afternoon,” we return to the surreal as we take a very different look at the love that grows among officemates. Here there are three types of beings: the narrator, who aspires to be a part of the machinery, even to be a machine himself; two genius computer coders who live outside the corporate norm even as they spend more hours at the job than just about anyone else; and the rest of the workforce, who, at every level, from executive on down, tend to move through the office by rolling across the floor or performing gymnastic or even balletic moves and are given to forming human pyramids and lying across filing cabinets slowly waving their arms in circles. Our narrator watches as a platonic love overwhelms the two coders and he/it tries to understand what transpires when the beta of the two must find a way to escape the alpha. The alpha, who has taken a liking to our narrator, is mystified, too, and heartbroken. Soon both coders are gone from the company, leaving our narrator clinging to the unlikely hope that someday his workplace, which appears to be his entire social world, may deliver him.

In submitting for publication the Transcendent Guide to Corporate America, my collection of stories about work and life in the corporate era, I  wrote a detailed description of the book. It turned into a story-by-story summary about how themes in the stories relate to the general themes of the guide. I thought I'd present them here, one story at a time. This is the tenth. As for what the individual stories are actually "about," you're on your own. If you'd like to read one, some can be found online here.

Transcendent Guide to Corporate America: Guide to the Guide #9

Work colleagues are like family in that we do no choose them but we are inseparable from them – at least until they’re gone. In “Designated Mourner,” the most traditional story of the collection, a middle-aged man is saddled with one underling, a middle-aged woman he doesn’t particularly like. Blessed and cursed with a personality trait perfect for the corporate world – the needed to be liked if not loved by everyone – he is determined to do the right thing after she falls ill with cancer. The cancer is fatal, and during the woman’s decline, he finds himself making hospital and home visits, meeting the un-monstrous mother that the underling has been complaining about so openly and endlessly at work. He attends the wake, where her friends tell him that she talked about him all the time. They thank him for all that he did for her. He still has one more role to play at work in connection with her: he must help their colleagues process the loss. He is of course appropriate, even moved, although he is never sure what he really feels, and may never know if his sense of obligation created a love for this testy, difficult person he otherwise would have never felt, or robbed him of whatever true affection he might have harbored for her.

In submitting for publication the Transcendent Guide to Corporate America, my collection of stories about work and life in the corporate era, I  wrote a detailed description of the book. It turned into a story-by-story summary about how themes in the stories relate to the general themes of the guide. I thought I'd present them here, one story at a time. This is the ninth. As for what the individual stories are actually "about," you're on your own. If you'd like to read one, some can be found online here.

Transcendent Guide to Corporate America: Guide to the Guide #8

You do not have to visit a cube farm or an executive suite to find corporate America; you can find it in the ubiquity of marketing, in the selling of ourselves even outside the working world. “Cashing In” is a forlorn posting on something called the Unfortunate Heroes blog, where our nameless, faceless, hero tells his 15-minutes-of-fame debacle: in the right/wrong place at the wrong/right time, he saves several lives by clobbering a deranged shooter in a Times Square tourist trap with the help of an electric guitar hanging on the wall as part of the restaurant’s branding. Recovering from the bullet wound he sustains, the young man is interviewed on TV in his hospital bed and makes a joke about the fact that his website, where he displays his photographs of fire plugs and guitars, is down at this moment of maximum publicity. “So much for cashing in,” he quips. With that remark he turns the media and the world against him. Meanwhile, the shooter confesses that he was in an alcoholic blackout and suffers from Hero/Villain Delusion Syndrome; this, along with his public remorse, completes a reversal of public sympathies so that the bewildered narrator becomes the villain and the shooter the victim.

 

In submitting for publication the Transcendent Guide to Corporate America, my collection of stories about work and life in the corporate era, I recently wrote a detailed description of the book. It turned into a story-by-story summary about how themes in the stories relate to the general themes of the guide. I thought I'd present them here, one story at a time. This is the eighth. As for what the individual stories are actually "about," you're on your own. If you'd like to read this one, it's published online here.

Look Forward, Look Back

New Year's Day is a day to look forward but also back. I looked back and discovered that a story I submitted to the Lamar York Fiction contest sponsored by The Chattahoochee Review was a 2017 finalist. Announced on their blog and website last spring, as they promised. I suppose I would have found out before now if I'd won. Still not a bad thing. The story, Love in the Age of Porn, is from my unpublished story collection "Useless Guide to Modern Romance."

Happy New Year.

Hello.

Lovers List

It's been up there in the nav for a while, but it's officially ready for prime time, whatever that might mean: Lovers List. It's part of my Useless Guide to Modern Romance, a nearly complete collection of stories...plus this interactive project of mine and Jesse Fried's. Explanations therein, including the nature of its uselessness.

Lovers List

Hello! Today I'd like to introduce Lovers List, the interactive segment of the Useless Guide to Modern Romance, my in-progress collection that is otherwise short stories. Some of the stories are listed on my Fiction page (How I Saved My Brothers, A Little Bit Closer to Water, After the Party, Back to School Night, Taxonymi).  Lovers List is a click away, and it takes just three clicks to participate...

Brothers Real

So a while ago I published a story called "How I Saved My Brothers,"  about someone with two brothers, both quite accomplished. I happen to have two brothers who are quite accomplished. My older brother, Daniel, just retired after 40 years in the State Department and gave a farewell speech that's been quoted all over the place and landed him on Rachel Maddow. My younger brother, Joshua, just organized a performance in Brooklyn (last Thursday, March 16)  that included his own Radio Wonderland, a solo musical universe that recently released its (his) first album, Seize the Means. The evening also featured experimental music luminaries Todd Reynolds and Peter Gordon, among others. But don't worry, this middle child will brag about himself, too: I'm a finalist in the Writers@Work 2017 fiction contest, for a short story called, "There's No Such Thing as Accidents."  I plan to include this in my short story collection called Guide for the Unguidable, which, yes, is also the name of this blog.

Joshua Fried, aka Radio Wonderland, at the Gemini & Scorpio space in Gowanus, Brooklyn

Joshua Fried, aka Radio Wonderland, at the Gemini & Scorpio space in Gowanus, Brooklyn